Not like before

yups...we already couple back..
but..my feeling towards hm not like before...i noe..day by day...my luv towards him decreases..eventhough he tryin to convince me..
but i cant trust him anymore..
i dun want to take any risk to luv him more day by day..
sometimes,when i m thinking about him..
i cant smile anymore..my face xpression changing n sometimes my teaars
flowing down without i noticed about datz..
am i is lying on myself?
am i had done a wrong decision?
i dun noe..
i m going to follow whateva happen den..

i still..............................

i cant stand from mention that i mish him so much..
i cant sleep..i didnt noticed dat i already sen him a mcj..
at 2am...
when i woke up from my cleep..
he asked me to back to him..
i dun understand what types of game that he playing around..he told me he luv me..
he told me he mish me and treat me like before..
why he should plays around wit my feeling if he truly luv me?
i asked for time to think about..
at the end..
i decide to gve him another chance..
i dun noe..
i made that dcision not by my thinking..
not bcoz i trust him..
but bcoz..i m really hurt..
n..i still ve feeling wit him.

forget everyhings..

no more any new mcj when i woke up in the morning..
i ve no one to wait for..
and when i m trying to close my eyes..nobody should i wish..
i m trying to forget about him..
but..
i dun noe why..
when i m trying to do that..my mind going to remember him all the taim..
and each time his voice echoing my mind..my tears going to flow down..
i mtrying to be strong..myb diz is what people felt wen i m leavin them..
hurt huh?
deserves me right isn it?..
hum..but..boys also deserves to be like dat..
all of them are same..
with that..
i m trying to built my strength..
yeahh..i m fine..i can stand by my own..i didnt need them at all instead..
but..
my tears still cnt stop from flowing down..
cuz...
i still luv him..
hate to luv him...='(

whY?='(

:.clash:.

12/01/1010
Today..i m waiting for him…
I wanna told him that I miz him a lots…
After that…he text me…
N he said…he ve something important to tell me..
I guess sumtin with hope…it was not the things that he going to tell me..
But my heart felt like somebody tread my heart..





He wanna leave me…
He said..i m burden to him…
He cant focuses on his bisnes when I m with him..
I juz made him didn’t focused
I really thought..
I m trying to understand his situation..
Support him..meanz..i give him support in whateva he done..
But….=’(
Mt tears flowing down..
I cant stand anymore..




Fes time I m fighthing to depand a relationship..
N for my fes time the one who luv me leave me first…
I felt alone in darkness..
Ma hug me tyte n make me calm…
I m being stronger to face it…
No matter what..
I m not trying to assume him as my enemy…
I m going to be friend with him..
My day is meaningless..
I m trying to forget everythings…
But I cant afford to do it…
I luv him so much and I hope I can stay with him ever aftr..
But..he betray me…he broke his promised…
He hurt me so much…
he didn’t appriecite my trustworthy that I gave him…




……..
I m truly disappointed with him…
Therefore,I m not going to trust anybody else anymore..’
Juz a phrase that suits for them..
‘ALL BOYZ ARE SAME”

worried~

11/01/1010
Today…he didn’t text me..
I m really worried suthing bad apen to her..
Until my mum asked me to call his mum..
My mcj to him was pending..
Den…
His mum told me he was didn’t returned home since yesterday..
And probably his battery empty..
I felt relieve…
Eventhough I felt rather sad because he ws cheat on me..
So,dat nyte….
I m not too worried..
Sudden….
He text me..
He said he was excident..
I was really surprise because he tolld me he was the one who drive that car..
I m really worried if something happen to him..
But fter I know he was okay..
I m rather realive..
Maybe there are wisdom thet we didn’t know..

misH hiM

10/1/1010
I m in cloud nine~~
Really happy today...=)
He me to spend time together with me today...
Even he text juz for a momemts also it can be cout as okay..
I mish him very muchh..
He was really bz lately..
But sokay..
I m understand his situation..
Itz alryte if he didnt his time with me now..
Coz i noe..he bz coz ve his own reason..
No matter what,i will patient with him
Bcoz..
No matter what..only he is da only guyz dat i believe and i ve..

Sudden he dissappear..
I thought he was fall asleep bcoz he told me he was at home...
So..i didnt expect anythings..
He didnt text me back..
I thought he bz with his bisnes..
So...i just say nothing about it..
But ...i m starting to be worry.........

leavIn..='(

30/12/2009
My clock shown 12.00am…
I wanna clash with himw..
I felt like in a dwemz..
I trying to convince myelf this is da best decision..
I dun wan to make he felts terrible
I dun want to be a burden for him..
he ve more important thigs to do..
I no..itz going to be soporific if I always sulking with him..
But how counld I didn’t sulking?
Every time I m waiting for him
N wen he could spend a few of his time with me..
He ill dissapperad..
Felt so hurt..felt really tired to talk to him..
I bcome fed up with him..
But i ve to understand..
He didnt purposely to do it..
He have more important things to target..
Juz..me..who is didnt strong to face all this..
I m so sowey..
I ve to do it..
Again..forgive me..
At the moment he told me da sentences..’i thought u galz ever..but..’
I felt so down..
I felt my heart broken....
I m not afford to do anythngs elsa..
I cant face alldiz..
I cant leave him..
I dun noewhat apen to my day den..
He oweyz in my mind…
If I could undo all this back…………





Fortunately he successfully persuade me then..:)
I pomiz to didn’t say anything else after this..
Pomiz I wont say anything about his bisnes…
Never…
Dun care whatever he does den…
Most important things..
I will never clash with him..

PromiseD me Dear

29/12/09
I got his mcj...
He ask for apologised..
I didnt scold him..
I just frust with him..
Nvm...againn..i m trying to understand his situation..
Today...i didnt wait for his mcj anymore..
Sudden..he text me..
I dun noe why..
But i felt dun wanna close with him today...
I wanna he ve distant from me..
Forgive me..
I really felt like our relationship just for when we in school..
No wonder i felt really sad wen he finished his last paper..




If it was da truth..nwm..
Itz going to be sweetest memory in my teenager lyfe..
I m oweyz happy wit him..
Till now..
Only him in my heart..
But...if our relationship being more complex after diz..
N maybe we were not destinied together..
I hope him cn accept everythings..
Diz is my story wit him..
Everythings that we shared together..
N hope itz ill oweyz in our mind..
I hope he can promised me to do so..
I luv him so much..

Itz Hurt..

27/12/2009
Today…I m waiting for him..
I m really sleepy but I m trying to stand to stay up..
I didn’t mention dat I luv him for diz few day..
I know..i m childish..=(


N juz now he called me..
I m happy he noticed about that..=)
But he got to go.. n asked me to wait for him till he text me back..
I really I wanna hear he said he luv me b4 I sleep..
N I wanna he know that I luv him..
Like he always do..
Before……….
I really2 mish dat moments..
At the end..
I was fall asleep..=’(

FaR aWay~

28/12/2009
Spm already over...
I still like this..
Doink nothink....just wanna spend all of my time at home..
Really saporific routine...
Other then eat and watching tv...hang out with my friend..
Dont know what i sappose to do...
Maybe because this situation i being quite lonely...
That why i miss him....
But…now he r doing business..
So..he with his life and I with my lyfe..
N when I think about diz..
It beings questionable..
R we going to be like dat after both of us working?
And when both of us stdying in the different places?
I dunnoe..
As his gf…I was respect iwt his decision..
No matter wutz,I will always support what he wanna do..
But sometimes I felt rather sad..
When I ve something to share..icant share with him anymore..
He ve more important things to to face..
I mtrying to persuade myself..
I need to be matured..i cant ask him to be always with me like before..
So I learnt to be strong through it

But I felt like I m cheating myself hoh..
I dun noe whather I tried to habituate myself or trying to forget him..
I felt like both of us already really far away..

stRUgglE timE~~

6/6/2009
After that,both of s struggle for spm…
Every night we studying together..he reminds me and i remind him.both of us struggle for spm..
We always supporting each other..,he going to heat me up and instead..
We exchanged what we know..
Sometimes we stay up together..
And he woke me up and instead…
Sometimes sleep and didn’t wake up anymore..
Huhu..then he must told me that he was regreted because didnt awaken from he nap to study
n...like usual...he will state..think POSITIVE
n we continous to be like that till SPM..
sometimes..i will smile when i remembered moments when we were in school before..=)
eventhough our distance is far..
but..i felt like we were too close..
n my day will never perfect without him..
both of us promised we going to stay together all da time..
n uhealwayz mentions that .
he luv me…really2 luv me..
but…I m afraid..
everythings going to end here…
after we finished our schooling..
both of us will not close anymore..
and we don’t know what happen then..
but he convince me…
no matter what he going to stay with me..
we going to hold with our promises..
no matter what we will never clash isn it?

buRFdaY

9/5/2009
I was sulking for the most longest duration since first day i couple with him..
My mood was really down.
I dun noe how he can forget my bufday..
Sometimes i felt itz funny..=D
I thought he going to be the first one who wish my burfday..
I m waitng 4 him all of nyte huh..
But..den,i was fall asleep...
When i woke up..like usual..i m going to look for my fun first..
24 mcj received....
But i didnt read that mcj..
I juz want to read a mcj from that guyz fes...
A guyz that i luv most...
But......my heart felt empty..
I thought he going to be the first one who wish my bufday..
Instead my ex..he gives my ic number also huh..
I felt down in da dumps..
Going to school for extra classes...
What a moody day~~
My friends asked me who is the first person to wish coz most of them wanna be the fes one to wish
I juz can smile in silence..
I dun think too much about he didnt be the first one..
But....
I ever read...
If somebody luv us..
He going to remember evrythings about us..
n..at dat moment...i realize...
maybe juz i luv him....
n..maybe he didnt noticed my presence at all..
after i returned home..
i juz stay in my room..
i cant stop my tears to flowing down..
i felt like so stupid..
nvm..mybe my fault...
i was too emotional..
so..i was trying to make it easy...

sulking

31/08/2008
This is first time he sulking with me..
Who going to didnt sulking if their bf didnt mcj 4 a long duration without any reason..
At da beginning,i m trying to make myself calm..
A lots of assumptions hits my mind
I was really worried bout him..
Might be him r not in da pink..
Something happen to him or whatevar..
Sudden he juz appear without any excuses for his disapperance for this few day..
I felt meaningless to him..
And I felt more confident about our relationship is a mistakes..
I know,no matter what…
I m starting to luv him…
I miss him when he was not around..
If I didn’t ve any feeling definitely I didn’t care about him isn it?
Well…a relationship..definitely misunderstanding will exist..
When I think about it back…
I didnt genuine to assume my relationship with him like that..
So…
I mtrying to take it easy and try to forget all about it..
=)

woRDS oF loVe

reSt oF my lYfe for HIM

I praise Allah for sending me you my love
You found me home and sail with me
And I`m here with you
Now let me let you know
You`ve opened my heart
I was always thinking that love was wrong
But everything was changed when you came along

And theres a couple words I want to say

For the rest of my life
I`ll be with you
I`ll stay by your side honest and true
Till the end of my time
I`ll be loving you. loving you
For the rest of my life
Thru days and night
I`ll thank Allah for open my eyes
Now and forever I I`ll be there for you

I know that deep in my heart
I feel so blessed when I think of you
And I ask Allah to bless all we do
You`re my HUBBY and my friend and my strength
And I pray we`re together eternally
Now I find myself so strong
Everything changed when you came along

And theres a couple word I want to say

For the rest of my life
I`ll be with you
I`ll stay by your side honest and true
Till the end of my time
I`ll be loving you. loving you
For the rest of my life
Thru days and night
I`ll thank Allah for open my eyes
Now and forever I I`ll be there for you

I know that deep in my heart now that you`re here
Infront of me I strongly feel love
And I have no doubt
And I`m singing loud that I`ll love you eternally

For the rest of my life
I`ll be with you
I`ll stay by your side honest and true
Till the end of my time
I`ll be loving you.loving you
For the rest of my life
Thru days and night
I`ll thank Allah for open my eyes
Now and forever I I`ll be there for you

I know that deep in my heart

i found diz song was really interesting and have a really adorable lyrics..
so i thought wanna post diz lyrics specially for...my REAL hubby...
sweet an?*.*..my tears going to spill out when i listened to this song..
>.<

coUPle..

8/8/2008

Today,he sent me a mcj...
He asked me to couple with him..
I know this kind of guysz who always asked to couple eventhough just know for few month..
But i rather interested with his mcj..
In da form of chemistry languages..
Involved the bond and everythings..
My assumption to him totally never chanaged..
Sudden he called me..
This is the first time a guyz called me to ask me couple with him..
I rather panic and dont know what i supposed to answer him..
I cant think critizely and i didnt expected i m going to answer him with ’yes’
I felt like in a botch dreamz...but..
That is the truth...
I was accept him..and i expect that relationship going last longer for a few month......

the meet~

18/6/2008
Sudden a message hits my inbox...the fes sentences that i read from him was...
”You know who i am?”
I m truly know he are becoz I was kept his number before..
Starting from that date..
We always contact..he teased me…n me too...
We always talk…but It only through phone..
he ever called me with ‘sayang’..
But I scold him then..after that I called him ‘sayang’ back..=)
Then he scold me back. Because I didn’t allowed his to do so,but I can...=.=’
After that he tricks me by send “treatning” comment at my friendster..
Rather shocked because because I didnrt expect he going to do like that..
Hopefully he still remember about that comment..
The last time we met….
Coincidentally,my battery handphone running out..i counld not contact with him because of that..
He told me to snap pic together again because of his picture which didnt made he satisfied..
But..we cant do that..i just afford to see him from a distance..
And sudden i felt flooding..
I can see he leavin after that........................

fIrsT day

this is my first day to write my blog...i ve class at 2pm but i m going to steal a few of my time for wrtiting this blog.i woke up late today.dont have opportunity to study this morning eventhough i was planned to do so since yesterday!
but nevermind.i m going to cover it back after this..(why my sentences sudden sound snobbish?huh?

back to what i m going to do today,i m going to write my past post on this blog..
since my school era till i finished my school day..but,what i m trying to focuss here is more about..someone who namely...........